REVIEWS
...such memoirs are not only worthwhile, but necessary"
A review of my memoir by Author Ulysses Grant Dietz (GROWING UP GRANT) on GOOD READS:
Five stars
"Gay baby-boomers all have worthy stories. We all survived, and more than that, we paved the way for TWO generations of LGBTQ folks that followed us. The thing is, not all of us can write our stories. A great story doesn’t have to be an exceptional story; but you have to have both the mindset and the skillset to write it. That’s what makes Bob May’s “Are you Kidding? (A Life)” so significant.
Just five years my elder (like, say, my big brother), Bob May’s story is probably way more representative of what gay men of his generation experienced than my own story. In his unpretentious, linear, and somewhat “stream of consciousness” memory tale of seventy-two years on earth, May gives us the facts. There is no attempt at making this literature, and there is a lot of time given to the minutiae of everyday life—from earning extra cash as a dog-walker to coping with adult roommates in a shared rental house. These small details are, in the reading, fascinating and illuminating.
Two things make this story stand out: May has had a lifelong career in acting (as writer, director, and producer) alongside his “day job” career working for Triple-A (AAA, American Automobile Association). And, he has lived since 1985 with HIV (something we don’t learn until well into the book—talk about burying the lede). The first gave him, an “ordinary guy,” the special tools he needed to write his story. The second thing gave him a powerful sense of being a survivor—and the need to educate the younger generations about the story of “our” generation.
May suffered the kind of consistent, low-level homophobic discrimination all of us in our generation have faced—from religion, from work, from the people around him. Some of it was overt, some of it was more subtle, built into a homophobic culture that had yet to be dismantled. He is also a gay man who, like most gay men across America, built a network of friends and allies with whom he could be himself. He delivers all of this with a matter-of-factness that denies any desire for pity. The “Are you kidding?” of the title embodies his approach to the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.
It is all well and good to read celebrity memoirs (Billy Porter, Elton John—both excellent books), but May’s story is real, because it offers an unapologetic look at a regular guy who lived his gay life the best way he could—without any broad cultural assistance from his government or his fellow Americans. He is an unheroic hero; a strong, flawed gay everyman.
A most interesting sub-theme of May’s memoir is our government’s betrayal, starting with Ronald Reagan, of the American middle class. Even a gay man as privileged and sheltered as I am has been aware of the erosion of the post-WWII middle class since Reagan’s election in 1980. May, the son of a devout Baptist mother and a white-collar father in Southern California, has experienced all of this first hand.
In this Pride Month of 2023, in a political climate that is unprecedented in our nation’s history, such memoirs are not only worthwhile, they are necessary."
"...a fascinating look into one man’s soul-searching reality..."
By Angela Hatcher
Before ever opening a page in this book, I chose to think that I already knew a little something about the author’s commitment to revealing his soul and his journey through life, and I made this assumption simply because Mr. May chose to pen his name as Bob, and not his given name, Robert. This may sound corny, but it made me think that Mr. May’s memoir was going to be more open, more personal, more intimate, and possibly more honest.
As I ventured into the pages of the book, I was not surprised to discover that I had been right, and May’s casual, easy-reading style is also a big part of his message, who he is, how he sees himself, and how he sees the world around him. Bob May is firstly, an actor, director, producer, and playwright. He has been honored with an acting Award of Merit, and additionally, he has 35 years of business management under his belt. He is a lover of all things Hitchcock and he tells how Hitch’s directing style influences his own. Besides being a world traveler, he boasts about being a diehard Democrat, and since he resides in Republican Orange County, I ask you, how is that for honesty?
Although Are You Kidding? is a memoir, it is very much also an accurate American history lesson with a carefully documented timeline running throughout that marks some of the most vivid events in modern history. For example, May talks about how The Beatles and their music were introduced on the Ed Sullivan Show in 1964, how he swooned over the mop-headed lot, but he could not have known at the time what significance that moment would also have on rest of the world. May includes other major events, several political figures, and historical facts in his timeline. He never shrinks away from talking about the escalation of the Vietnam War travesty or other major pinpoints on his road map that marked major events during his life’s journey.
He painfully tells about the dreaded days of the U.S. Military Draft, civil unrest, protestors, the climate of the times, and how the call to duty experience changed his life. May’s memoir overflows with magical nostalgic memories of times gone by that takes older folks back to “the good ol’ days.” He tells of his “starched shirt-type” parents and how rigid they were in his early years. But then, as he later reflects, he chalks it up to how they were raised. As days grew into years, his folks learned to accept Bob for who he is, and it seems to his gratitude, those changes happened before it was too late.
May was not born with an overwhelming sense of bravery. He was timid, shy, and afraid for much of his youth. But he learned to conquer those fears, stand up for what he believed in, become a force and a leader, and face life being exactly who he is and was born to be. Bob May is a gay man, and it took him a long time to understand his feelings, to accept them, and to live his life in a way that brought him happiness and contentment. He expresses his thoughts and feelings throughout his life, and his memoir tells the story of this man’s journey, his trials and tribulations, his pain, his joys, and his learning experiences. He talks of lovemaking, but he carefully leaves most to the reader’s imagination. In today’s world, people might learn to understand that being gay or otherwise is not strictly about sex. It is also about love, relationships, companionship, finding similar interests, and enjoying each other’s company.
Bob doesn’t hesitate to share his feelings with the reader, and he expresses how he stands up for what’s right in this world. He is HIV Positive, and this dreaded disease, thankfully, is no longer a death sentence. Bob does express his understandable sorrow as he gives a lengthy list of those he has known and lost through the years. It seems that he learned to let go but never forget. He helped initiate OC’s first Gay Parade, and although the participants were egged and heckled, and, yes, he was probably afraid (wouldn’t you be?). It was the first one! Nonetheless, as he says, although he sees himself as more of an activist in spirit than in fact, he was there. Bob May’s book is a testament of proof that he was once a dreadfully afraid and reserved young man, he later learned to be brave in spite of his fears.
He is generous with his thoughts and the re-creation of his life. He is unassuming. There are passages in this memoir that may lead one to believe that this story is about a broken man, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Bob May is gallant and may even be thought of as a cape-donning crusader who is trying to save the world from predisposed ambiguity about what the true meaning of life may actually be for all human beings. Are You Kidding? is a fascinating look into one man’s soul-searching reality, and it is written with respect to all the lows and highs of a man’s life. Bob May is a storyteller who paints pictures with his words, and it is definitely something to read.
Warm and Funny
This is a fantastic story. It’s very funny and quite insightful. Glad I took the opportunity to purchase and read this story. Also, some parts are motivational for me in general. Bob is a wonderful person and this book is just like him.
Fun and engaging read!
As I read, I felt like Bob was in my living room and we were sharing a conversation over coffee! Finished the book in just a few days. I've known and acted on stage with the writer over many years, and it was nice to find out more about the life he led before our friendship. Interesting to read his thoughts on… just about everything! The writing was engaging, and his recall is stunning! Bravo for getting these memories down for us to enjoy.
Moving Memoir
Like Viktor Frankl says, "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." Bob May's "Are You Kidding?: A Life" is an honest, unflinching account of his personal growth and empowerment reflected in his responses to what life threw at him. Kudos to him for not only successfully navigating his way through all that he did with true grit and grace, but writing about it with such colorful candor.
Fabulous Read
I have worked with Bob in theatre for many years and have always enjoyed his droll sense of humor and positive outlook on life. I so enjoyed reading his biography. It is enlightening with just the right touch of humor. His path was not an easy one, but he faced it with courage and shares his insights and wisdom in the amazing story of his life.
A Goldmine of Humor and Wisdom to Breach the Generational Divide
Bob May's book is a very readable, funny, warm, and humorous remembrance of his coming out and growing to gay maturity in the 1970's, 80's, 90's and 2000's in Los Angeles and Orange Counties.. He was inspired to write to the younger generation of the perils and pain of coming out when the establishment was just on the threshold of accepting "gay" as just another lifestyle variation, not one that was criminal, pathological, or immoral. May's pain that accompanied his coming out journey he wishes to share with young gays of today whose acceptance has been eased considerable by the experience of Elders such as May. As an artist, Mr. May's journey is sustained and nurtured by his accompanying quest to find work and affirmation as an actor, writer, producer. YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING is an engaging, readable romp with an enlightened heart, wonderful actor, and energized citizen of Orange and Los Angeles Counties. This wonderful biographic book is a great couple of hours spent with an enchanting gay senior citizen.
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